Catharsis

“Every morning we are born again. What we do today is what matters most.” ~ Gautama Buddha

     Behind the personas, roles, ideology and self-identity we all express lies the individuality we all have in suffering from an incurable disease; being human.  Today I spent a few hours meeting and honing the ability to advocate for suicide awareness and prevention.   To say the emotive feeling of reliving the experiences in my journey, coupled with listening to those who attended with me, was cathartic is surely an understatement.  It is an emotive roller coaster to go through the loss of loved ones and attempts upon my own life.  I am still here, and my story is not over yet.

     The image is of ink on my right arm.  Those who understand, will easily recognize.  It is my constant reminder to me of the journey so far and the journey ahead as a father and fellow human being.  

     We live in a world where candidates for our highest office are more worried about male "giftedness" than true issues we face.  Where our leaders try to convey political messages through just a hashtag.  I am left with a real question; is the technology and social media a reflection of the advancement or dumbing down of our society?

     To be able to express our innermost selves and the intimate individual we are takes both self confidence and inner strength.  I am me. You are you. And that is perfectly fine.  It is when either you or I feel like there is no other choice but to remove ourselves from our world and those who care for us that a crisis is evident. 

     Having lived through trying to end my life has left me touched with being fully cognizant of how dark the human mind can become and how deep the ache in the human heart can delve.  There is something to be said about being touched;  you never really lose the mark even when its image is not visible to the outside world. 

      Instead of dewlling in darkness, which can easily be a familiar and falsely comfortable place, I am trying to touch others positively by expressing that there is more to look forward to than back upon. Mental health is a growing epidemic that reaches every man, woman and child.  We need to amplify our concern, erase the stigma of the word "suicide", and become more aware of those around us.  Before those we enjoy seeing sadly become a memory.   It is my deepest goal to create a world where my child does not have to feel and experience what I have; and she has even more compassion and understanding than I could ever hope to feel. 

       I hope you have the strength to recognize the crisis if you face it.  I hope even more that you know where to reach out to should this take place.  Even more, I hope we all hold out a hand when we see another in crisis.  Save this website; CrisisChat.org . Save this phone number; 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Thank you for taking the time to read this short note.

43

"Man suffers only because he takes seriously what the gods made for fun.”  ~ Alan W. Watts

     March 1, 1973.   The day God said "Screw it, let earth deal with him."  Or in other words, my boithday!!!

     I could wax poetic about life lessons and things learned and the wisdom I wish to share to my daughter and the rest of humanity.  But alas, my daughter has grown to become smarter than me and humanity is too busy tweeting to notice.  Instead, I think I will list 43 quotes, statements, sayings, or the like that I have come across in my journey so far.  Maybe some will make you laugh, maybe bring a tear; hopefully all will bring a memory or help create one to carry in your journey.

1. "You...are....so....beautiful.  To me."  Supposedly what was on the radio after my parents completed the adoption process and were bringing me to my new home.

2. "I love you Daddy, but I still am not kissing you.  Kissing boys is yucko."

3. "Goodbye."  (What I never got to say to my dad before he crossed the river to Home).

4. "Do you know where you are? You're in the jungle baby. You're gonnna dieeeeeeeeee!!!"

5. One word. Bawitdaba.

6. "Mr. Gorbachev. Tear down this wall."

7. "Why So Serious?" and "Time to make the chimichangas."

8. All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them. ~ Walt Disney

9.  "Son. Are you awake? Can you hear me?"   These are the first words I heard after nearly dying in an automobile accident at 18.  A police officer was trying to wake me after they got me out of the passenger side and my head had struck a windshield.

10. "I love you."  What we say in every conversation between my mother and me and I try to exchange between my daughter and me.

11. "Bartender please. Fill my  glass for me." With the wine you gave Jesus that set him free, after three days in the ground.

12. "Oh just smoke a joint it will calm you."  I believe this is what I told our criminal law professor in law school because she said she was nervous before administering the final exam. She blushed. GUILTY!

13. "The Philadelphia Phillies are 2008 World Champions of Baseball." The late great Harry Kalas

14. "Daddy I have a boyfriend."  (She is SEVEN. Insert heart attack and palpitations here)

15. "I'm starting with the man in the mirror. I'm asking him to change his ways." (Still very relevant nearly thirty years on).

16. "My name is David Huber and I am a survivor of suicide."  How I introduce myself when giving presentations in a group, lecture, assembly, or meeting on behalf of AFSP.

17."Goodbye. Farewell & Amen." M*A*S*H

18.  "I accept Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior."  Being Christian is not wrong.  Having Faith is neither bigoted nor prejudiced.  What we do with our faith and how we act; therein lies the rub.

19. Tramps like us, baby we were born to run.

20.  How thoughtlessly we dissipate our energies. Perhaps we don't fulfill each others fantasies
And as we stand upon the ledges of our lives, With our respective similarities It's either sadness or euphoria. My favorite Billy Joel

21. "We are Brothers".  Those who know, will smile.

22. 9-11.  Never Forget.

23. "Don't give up...Don't ever give up."  Jimmy V

24. "How do you measure a year in the life?" 

Measure in love.

25. "I am afraid to tell you medically you can not perform the responsibilities of an active duty member of the Army.  You will be receiving a medical discharge."  What I was told after a battery of tests at Walter Reed whilst trying to make it through West Point.

26. "Smile." When there are clouds in the sky

27.  Occupy everything.  Why did we need the show?  Can we tell what the opportunistic anarchists and money backers have coming next for us? Which leads to...Donald Trump. For President.

28. "A man with outward courage dares to die; a man with inner courage dares to live." ~ Lao Tzu . Tao Te Ching. Read it. And Buddha. And Confucius. And Rumi...

29. "We didn't start the fire. It was always burning since the world's been turning."

30.  The World Ain't Slowing Down. Still my favorite song.

31.

32. May the Force be with you.

33. Whiz. Witout.

34. You are about to witness the strength of street knowledge.

35.  Let it go. So my daughter has sung. 876 times. Make that 877.

36. Black Lives Matter.  Have any other three words together caused any more division in our history?

37. Dino and Pops

38. Parrothead. Love and Luck

39. Back in angle parking.  Google it.

40. Fight the Power.

41. "The Constitution provides liberty to all within its reach..." Obergefell v Hodges

42. "May the sun bring you new energy by day, may the moon softly restore you by night, may the rain wash away your worries, may the breeze blow new strength into your being, may you walk gently thorugh the world and know it's beauty all the days of your life.”  ~ Apache Blessing

43. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy.