Bend Not Break

     There is a song that has been released by an artist named Alex Boye , “Bend Not Break”.  https://youtu.be/0o1T_y81_DU

      This week is national suicide prevention week. The song addresses that moment; that point of either turning around or no turning back.

      I’ve been there. I know it intricately. The pace of breath. The stillness.  The meld of calm with rush of overwhelming emotion.  Like your mind is plugging the dam of the waves rushing through your veins. Something has to give.

     I know the surviving. The last to speak to my grandfather before he completed suicide.  I vividly remember the look on my parents’ faces when they found out he was gone; shocked stillness.

     Part of you never comes back from that moment.  Phil Donahue is quoted as saying suicide being a permanent solution to a temporary problem.  Because those who survive are permanently changed with the mark of forced memory, tattooed with the reality of not saying “goodbye”, and scab forming whilst trying to reason beyond the self blame of not preventing coupling with the anger of the loved one lost not reaching out.

     This week I spoke at one meeting because advocacy for suicide awareness is my “thing”, my calling so to speak. It is not by my hand that I am here writing this; were  my hand alone the deciding factor whether I lived or died, I would be a statistic.

      I would be another memory to someone I love, who perhaps loved me. I would not get to see the wonder of my daughter growing.

      There is another scar, another permanent change left when touched by suicide.  It is when you survive and do not complete.  As I said, part of you is left behind in that moment. The who you were in the then and there must  adapt to what will become of who is left standing in the here and now.

      That is the hard part; the continued walking away from that point and time where you nearly broke.  You’ve already been there, you know the path and the way. It is akin to route memory of paths through woods you spent years traversing through your childhood. You have to develop the fortitude to never go there. Again.

     Because the loss of you will be a permanent change on those left behind with memory. You, then and there, believe the pain will end.  Unfortunately, a completely different and lasting pain will only begin.

     I was reminded of choices by someone who is now an angel with the heavenly host. In that moment, you can choose to live. There should be no other choice if you value those who are around you and the precious gift; choose life.

       Whatever we face and however stretched we feel, choose life. It surely bends us; in ways we could not imagine that struggles are placed. This is why I speak and share my story. My bending and my moments I had to turn around. When I broke, but was saved. To hopefully prevent another feeling the permanent scar left by life taking.

      If you, or someone you know is truly bending and about to break. Reach out.

Call your mom. Call your brother. Call your sister.  Call your pastor, rabbi, ....

And if you do not know who to call...there will always be a voice.  800-273-8255.

Click here : https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/

Reach out. Speak up. And above all else.

CHOOSE LIFE